A Story : Left Behind
This is a tale of a girl named Ashley who feels like she being left behind by her high and mighty best friend.
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I bite my lower lip. So this is it. I've imagined this day too many times and finally it's here. My heart beats faster by the second and yet my exterior is surprisingly relaxed and calm. She looks happy. And why shouldn't she? Her future is wide ahead of her and her dreams are coming true. She catches me looking at her from across the room and she excuses herself from the person she was talking to. I blush a little in embarrassment.
"Hi, Ashley!"
"HAAAAAAAIIIIIII!!!!!" I force myself. "Congrats."
"Thanks! Gosh! I can't believe this is happening! It happened all so quickly"
"Mm-hmm," I replied.
"You got that right," I think to myself.
All it took was one phone call for my world to come crashing down on me. I remember I was rummaging through my closet looking for that dress that would match my shoes for some cousin's grandma's birthday party when the phone rang. Already out of breath, I jumped at my phone only to be greeted by one of Tanya's screams.
"I GOT THE JOB!"
Boy, did that 4 words change everything from that day onwards. I remember her filling me on the details of how the email came and her going on and on about how insanely awesome this is and this is going to be the best thing in her life evaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrr!!! I remember saying all the things that I should and eventually telling her that I would love to know more but couldn't because I needed to prepare for my cousin's grandma's birthday party. I lied.
Tanya is someone really special to me. We saw each other grow up, soothe each other's scraped knees in elementary school and heartaches in high school. We rejoiced when we were both accepted by the universities of our choice and that they were not too far away from each other. She saw me through the death of my brother and I supported her when she fought leukemia. 20 years of friendship and I never thought that we'll be apart. But after the phone call, I began to worry. Eventually though, (like 2 nights later) I consoled myself that it wasn't going to change anything.
How wrong I was.
Fast-forward 4 months from that day comes the eve of her departure to New York and my heart is filled with so much ache. Suddenly she was this high-flying career woman trying to get things done. She became too busy for our Wednesday catch ups but somehow found the time to find a boyfriend who incidentally was my ex. She never even talked to me about it. She began to be all sophisticated in her speech and dressing and not once have I seen her in her usual sweatpants that she's worn since forever from the day of her announcement. When she did finally find the time to meet up with me, she didn't want to talk about the latest Desperate Housewife episode like we always do but was instead more concerned about selling me life insurance policy from the insurance company that she will be working with.
As I sip my glass of champagne at her farewell, I realise that the last memory I have of the Tanya I know was that ecstatic screams on my cousin's grandma's birthday.
"Ashley! Ashley!"
"Huh? What?" I suddenly snap. What happened?
"You're day-dreaming! Again!"
"Oh......was I?"
"So anyway, like I was saying, my company will be having a launching of this new insurance scheme that I think would totally be right for you and it comes with........"
I pretend to look interested. Man, I hope she doesn't ask me a question. I'm not even listening. I'm sorry, I have a wounded heart I need to attend to.
I know it could be irrational but somehow it seems so rational for her to be moving on in life without me. That's just the way she always was. I mean, don't get me wrong. She's an awesome friend, but moving on swiftly and cleanly was how she rolled for as long as I can remember. Her stuffed toys were always thrown out when newer ones came. Don't get me started about her boyfriends that lined up for her at her doorstep.
Likewise, it's like I am only a part of a chapter of her life and now that she's had her fun with me, it's time to dust off whatever we have and for her move on to her bright and shining future while I'm here to collect the pieces. As I walk home from the party, I realise that I didn't talk to her about how I felt and hence unfair for me to jump to such conclusions, but still, I can't help but feel that if she has decided how this relationship is going to be, how much shallower it's going to get, then who am I to ask for more? It takes two to tango and I feel like I've beginning to dance alone these days. Irrational and stupid, I know. Maybe I simply misunderstood her but somehow, I can't ignore this nagging feeling that I'm right.
I open the door of my house and say no when my parents asked me if I'd like to join them for supper as they've been waiting for me to get back. I locked myself in my room and opened up my treasured trove, a shoebox of memories. As I look at the photographs of Tanya and I, I close my eyes as tight as I can and force myself to stiffle a sniff. Grow up, Ashley!
But I can't deny the fact that it hurt. Bad.
Of course it hurt. But I knew that it's because I love her that it can hurt me like this, hurt me so bad. So essentially, it's my fault?
But I can only wish her the very best in whatever she's going to do. I wish her happiness with Trevor, my ex. I wish her all the good things that life has to offer and I hope she'll be successful at her work. I hope she'll find someone to remind her that she looks better when she parts her hair to the right then she does to the left and that white clothes cannot be washed in the washing machine with her coloured clothes. I hope her bosses and colleagues are nice to her and gives her fat pay checks and even fatter bonuses. I hope she goes for all her dreams and never gives up in whatever she does. I pray that she'll always have faith. I hope she remembers that her car needs servicing in another 3 months.
I exhaled, as if to accept what was happening and begin to slowly nod to myself. And most of all, I hope she remembers that if, and I say if, she remembers me, that I'll be here, in this Virginian neighbourhood, forever ready to welcome her back and to be there if she needs me.
Tanya, thanks for the memories. Although I wish you would let me have a part of your life as a friend rather than just a prospective client even as you move on, I respect that it's your decision to make. Thank you for letting me in at least those earlier chapters of your life. I don't know what the future holds for us, but if it ends here, let's just shake hands and let me thank you for your friendship. I will miss you terribly and I hope you know that I love you very, very much.
As for me, I'll be fine. I will be. I will be. I will be.
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K, this is rather unrelated, but remember when Katy Perry released 'The One That Got Away'? Well, when she did, I was a bit 'mehh' because the tune was a bit too arpeggios-y for me. And then suddenly, Boyceavenue sexifies it with their own version and suddenly I find myself abusing the replay button.
It. is. good.
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